Enter Erida
by TheCrimznFuckr
Summary: What would happen if a female Eridan were to assist the original Eridan against his battles with the famed Vriska Serket herself?


Eridan was hard at work mapping a route to flank Vriska's fleet of heavily armored boats/doomsday machines, which were closing in on his ship fast. Which one they were Eridan never really knew, but he was able to keep them at bay as long as he was careful. Eventually her little rubber ducky toys of ships will succumb to the awesome sea dweller wrath that is Eridan Fuckin Ampora.

Before Eridan knew it, there was a magenta colored boat right next to his own. He drew his telescope and caught notice of the striking woman that graced its bow. He found her so striking because she was his spitting image. Eridan put down his telescope and called over to her.

"Hey! Wwhat is your name!?"

Barely hearing him, the unnamed mistress glanced over to the handsome young man yelling and flailing around for attention. Irritated at his stupidity and slightly charmed, she picked up two flags and started waving them swiftly, yet methodically. She saw the puzzled look on Eridan's face. " Are you kiddin me? Wwhat kinda self respectin seadwweller doesnt knoww flag wwavvin!?

With intents to scold out/flirt with the unknown captain, she fired a grappling hook at the parapet if his boat and climbed the rope up to the deck.

"Wwell, look at yoooou." Eridan said as she threw herself onto the deck, reassembling her grappling hook.

"Look at you! You dont evven knoww wwhat the hell sign wwavvin is! You call yourself a powwer of the sea?" Erida told Eridan while softly stoking his chin with her index finger, triggering a flood of magenta to reign over his face.

"Nyeh, fuck you! Wwhile your here, do you mind tellin me your name?"

"If you must know, you poorly dressed grub-fluff-"

His attraction towards this woman shrank as soon as she insulted his clothing. "Wwait right there, missy! Ill havve you knoww that these clothes are made o-"

"Erida Ampora! My name is Erida Fuckin Ampora! You annoyin hipster!"

Leaning back, Eridan sighed "Look, theres a situation here. Vris has us surrounded and shes fixin to kill is first chance she gets! Noww, please tell me you knoww at least somethin about wwar tactics."

"Wwar tactics? Wwhy, your askin the right troll! Ivve only spent my entire life dedicated to killin that bastard Vretsko evver since he stole my-"

Eridan grabbed Erida by the shoulders and exclaimed "You're perfect! Look, I got a job for you. All you got to do is sail ovver there and..." Eridan went on to ramble on tactics on how to take down Vriska, while Vriska herself was watching all of this unfold from her crows-nest.

"Hm, so Eridan found himself a comrade... Tsk... Oh would you look at that, their scheming!" Vriska laughed. "Hehehe, time to get to meddling!" Vriska got to ordering around the crew of unknown trolls on her boat to attack Eridan's ship. Before she got too ahead of herself though, she thought she might as well pester Eridan to try and playfully instill some fear into him while distracting him.

**arachnidsGrip began trolling caligulasAquarium at 4:32 pm. **

AG: Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy

CA: Nyeh. Wwhat do you wwant now?

AG: I see you've made a little friend ;;;;)

CA: Yeah wwell wwhats it to you?

AG: Why, you wouldnt 8e scheming against me would you? Eridan, I thought we were a8ove that!

CA: If you must knoww, I wwas merely sharing tactics wwith a comrade, you meddlesome she-wwench. Noww wwhy dont you go along and play wwith those little toy tugboats you call death machines? I havve important wwar things to take care of.

AG: Meddlesome she-wench? Eridan, that 8reaks my poor spider heart ::::,(

AC: You should never do that to a girl, you know. She might dedicate her whole life to exacting revenge

CA: Be that as it may, if you are goin to get your revenge, you might as wwell do it noww wwhile you still havve me surrounded.

Eridan typed this knowing that Vriska would take the opportunity to attack the two weak looking ships. After all, she was planning to have three more of her own ships to flank Eridan while he was tending to Vriska. Her having this mentality was a cog that fell beautifully into Eridan's trap.

AC: Silly Eridaaaaaan, I can see str8 through that! My vision 8 fold never fails, unlike a special certain little highblood sailor that I know.

CA: wwhatevver… I have better things to do than entertainin the likes of you

AC: Eridan w8!

CA: wwhat is it?

AC: You miiiiiiiight want to take a look at your port ::::)

CA: You bitch….

AC:Spider8itch!

**arachnidsGrip ceased trolling caligulasAquarium at 4:46 p.m**

Eridan put down his pestering device and rushed over to the left side of his boat. That spider bitch had blown an eight pound cannon ball straight into the ship! Although, the magenta clad captain was not deterred, for the wheels were in motion for his plan.

"Oh, Vris… This wwill only make your defeat all the more delicious."

Vriska once again glanced at Eridans face with a satisfied, smug, comfortable and condescending smile that reached from ear to ear. Only upon a second moment's inspection, she noticed that the other magenta ship from before was not there. This brought panic to the cerulean blooded spider 8itch. What brought more panic was to realize that her own ship was taking heavy fire from Eridan himself. This is exactly what Vriska was waiting for: The grand final battle between Marquise Spinneret Mindfang and Orphaner Dualscar.

One thing that Eridan had remembered from his countless nights in history books studying war was that if you cut off the head, the body dies. That's exactly what the tactic here was, only Eridan would not be doing the lavish deed of decapitation, his female counterpart was.

Erida's ship was customized to be able to go underwater quickly and unnoticed, and Vriska's wasn't. The tactic was to fire a large artillery shell at the bottom of Vriska's stern, and then do the same thing with the ships surrounding Eridan, while he fought them all above water. The tactic was a complete success. Erida managed to fire a large round at the bottom of Vriska's boat, and then scurried her boat to the other death macines and sank them while they all tried to asses the damage of the ship that came before. All of the Cerulean and black clad ships had not known whatt hit them. All of the ghastly looking clunks of death dealers were sunk just as planned.

Not knowing what to do upon the explosion, Vriska started panicking when she realized that not only her ship, but all of the other ones were destined to sink along with the horrible feeling of defeat haunting her. After a while, she came to terms with what had happened, and now was a ticking time bomb of pure, concentrated hatred. When Vriska gained balance on the top of her now quickly sinking boat, she shot Eridan a horrid look of hatred and bloodlust as she screamed at him "I hate you! I will make sure to make you pay, Ampora! Pay pay pay pay pay pay pay pay!" She would have most likely told him more had she not been completely submerged in metallic contraption infested waters.

As Eridan was panting off some breath after fending off Vriska's minions, Erida decided to come back up to his deck. Eridan looked at her and gave a well-deserved condescending complement.

"Hey… nice job out there…" he said, growing less dependent on the gasping

Erida, who was also just as tired, responded back "wwell, thanks. It's good to knoww that a peon such as yourself could recognize who the real captain here is!"

"Excuse me, but your spineless ass couldn't handle half the shit I wwas doin up here! My bet is because you wwould be too wworied about ruinin that twwo boondallar swweater of yours, you tasteless, landwwellin oink-beas-" Eridan's statement got interrupted by Erida, who felt it necessary to slap such a peon for forgetting his place; the sharp crack sound of the slap echoed all through Eridan's body, involuntarily calling for a feeling of arousal. Eridan did not know how it got there, but he didn't care: he liked it. Erida, however, also enjoyed being called such filthy things, especially coming from such a handsome man such as Eridan.

Keeping up the façade, Eridan replied, gently stroking his hands against the mark that Erida had made. "Did you just slap me!?"

"Wwhy, yes. I. Did!" Erida shouted.

"Wwell, I guess Im gonna hafta teach you a lesson, you vixen!" Eridan followed with a disciplinary back-hand to Erida, who then replied with another slap after taking a moment to soak in all the pleasure she was getting out of this with a wince. This exchange of blows evolved quickly into a pathetic and childish slap-fight often seen on cartoons. Erida, loving every second of it, then decided that the temptation was simply too much to keep contained any further. She threw herself onto Eridan with an enthusiastic moan. Eridan, as if knowing fully well when and how this was going to happen, embraced her and satisfied their much needed desires that were built off of pure hate. In the thick of the sloppy-makeouts, Erida stopped every now and again to speak to get her question asked.

"By the way-mm- I never did… Get your name…"

"Eridan-mmm- fuckin… Ampora…"

**Yyyyup. XD since equiuette and kurlaz are already taken, I guessed I might as well of written about Eridan and his counterpart of the opposite gender. Turns out I had a good laugh myself writing this, although I tried my best to keep the characters the way they're supposed to be. If anyone has any pointers on how I should conduct these characters, feel free to tell me. **


End file.
